“Hi! Are You Busy Tonight?”: How to Build Your Support System
As finals are creeping up, I am feeling a little overwhelmed. However, I was surprised by a friend who messaged me to go to an event posted on MDex (awesome app I recommend you check it out). Even though the phrase was as simple as “Hi Han! Are you busy tonight?” I felt warmth and support through that gray bubble. After going out for a night without worrying about homework and upcoming exams, I feel recharged and ready to take on the challenges school throws at me.
This firsthand experience made me realize that there are other ways to cope with challenging times than struggling all on my own. I would like to know the importance of a support system, reflect on how I am leveraging mine, and share my findings with you. I hope this blog can spark thoughts about what your support system is like, and serve as a good break between your study sessions!
Your “Breathe” Support Can Notice Your Stress Before You Do
When I think about support systems, I find myself focusing on the fact that they can help me through tough times; however, after reading University at Buffalo’s Developing Your Support System page, I have learned support systems not only can make me more “resilient in times of stress, setback, or loss”, they can also make my good times even better as well as noticing my stress before I realize!
In this “Identify Your ‘Breathe’ Supports” informational sheet, Shirley Reiser refers to “Breathe” Support as someone who one can rely upon to notice that you are stressed and provide intervention. In her experience, her friend noticed her anxiety and tension and reached out to her saying “Shirley, breathe.” It was a great cue for pause and reflection that enabled Reiser to move on in more mindful and helpful ways. The informational sheet outlined some questions you can ask yourself to have a better understanding of your support system:
Who supports you now, and what kind of support do they provide (social, physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual)?
Within your network of support, who is in regular contact with you and in a position to notice if you are either stressed or distressed? Can this person become a “breathe” support?
Consider your network of support. Do you have sufficient support in place, or do you need to expand your network? What do you need to begin expanding your network?
Consider where you are in your support network. Can you “take your temperature”? What do you do to recognize your symptoms of stress and care for yourself?
Or, what do you need to begin to recognize your symptoms of stress and respond with a self-care activity?
After thinking about my answers to these questions, I have a better understanding of my support system and know who gives me strength when I need it. My next question is what I can do to maintain a good support system?
How to Approach Current Relationships?
It takes 2 to create a good relationship, with both serving as giver and taker. Here are some things you can do according to University at Buffalo (read more here):
Show your appreciation.
Stay in touch through phone calls, texts, and emails; reciprocate invitations.
Be available when you’re needed.
Accept their help.
Support successes.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Respect needs and limits.
Know when a relationship isn’t working for you.
UMich also has an informational sheet “Building a Support System” that outlines some things you can say and do:
Share your positive feelings
Give people sincere compliments
Ask people about their thoughts & feelings
Share something about yourself
Share your common interests with people
Show you care by being helpful or thoughtful
Be willing to compromise with people
Try to understand the other person’s viewpoint
While researching and reflecting on this topic, I have realized support systems are two-way relationships—I am a part of my supporters’ network or supports. I plan to start taking actions to support people I care about by practicing the tips I learned.
I want to end this blog with a quote from a fortune cookie that says “A friend is a present you give yourself”. Why not reward yourself with a text message to a friend you haven’t seen in a while starting with “Hi __! Are you busy tonight?”
My text to you is: “Good luck on your final exams!”